Institute is hard. Blah, Blah, Blah

With the first week of teaching under my ever-shrinking belt, I feel like I have a little more legitimacy to talk about my experience. What seemed impossible last Sunday night came and went. It was absolutely possible. Absolutely terrifying and exciting, but all the same it was a rush that I would not give back. The students of room 1104 gave me my first teaching experience and I'm so lucky to have had it and to be done with it as well. Our CMA (Corps Member Advisor) summed it up well today - Week 2 (our first week of teaching) we are getting our sea legs, accomplishing the impending, and building our confidence each day. Week 3 is hard. HardER. We're no longer allowed to be nervous - our kids don't care if we are, the staff expects new challenges, and honestly if we hope to be affecting, there is no more room for stage fright. We are realizing slowly (today being a prime example of this realization) that this is hard. Its difficult to motivate people, teach new concepts, reinforce old ones, and in my case, plan effectively to the needs of my students. However, Week 3 has just begun and a new philosophy in the classroom and life will be to never let today keep you (me) from recognizing the potential of tomorrow. Tomorrow is a better day and if its a worse day the opportunity to learn and grow and reflect is ever present, ever blessing, ever blessed. 

So quick highlights from my first week of teaching. I'm teaching 5th grade Math. My unit is on decimals with a few objectives on percentages sprinkled in towards the end. I am working with a stellar team to lesson plan - Props to my "Y" group. We are efficient and fun(ny), determined and creative. We also plan a mean lesson if I do say so. My collaborative (the two other teachers I share 1104 with) works well and we bring different leadership styles and personalities to the table. We work well together and are very cognizant of meeting all of our students needs. I think I am truly lucky to work with the 9 other CMs in my CMA group, and the smaller groups I am a member of. I've heard these people can make or break your experience at institute and so far we are making some serious gains personally and hopefully professionally with our students. 

Monday. First day of the week. First day in the classroom. First day my students go from one veteran Atlanta Public Schools teacher to three rookie teachers. Our first hour in the classroom we improvise a morning message about role models and have the group write a paragraph on who their role models are. Our visuals about our class rules, consequences, traffic light behavior management system, decimals, fractions, predictions, middle school!, and big goals bounce off the white walls, vying for students precious attention. After a break from the class and another attention grabbing session with our CS (Curriculum Specialist) on topics such as "Addressing Minor Misbehavior", "Effectiveness", "Investment", "Big Goals", "Guided and Independent Practice" with our students (to name a few of the many extensive sessions) I head to the classroom and start the beginning of our unit on decimals. They know the daily objective (to identify place value using a hundreds grid) and my worksheets, graphic organizers, and promise of math centers if good behavior begins to blossom are no match for talking without raising hands, getting up and walking around the classroom, running in the hallway, tossing food across the table at lunch, and last but not least - a punch square in the face, outside of the classroom. If I didn't have little sisters, or maybe didn't realize that sometimes kids hit each other, I would have been more traumatized. At 4:30 that day, I was only slightly mortified, ashamed, and frustrated. 

Tuesday...and on. Its hard to work and study with TFA without having some (if not a strong sense) of possibility. Possibility for tomorrow, our students, you, me, and the next guy that comes along. We've all got potential. In reality, last week was a blur. Tuesday was better than Monday. Wednesday better than Tuesday. Thursday worse than Wednesday but better than Tuesday. And Friday worse than than Thursday. (Which day was the best?) My students know my objectives and despite the fact that we realized half way through last week that the content my students really struggle with is area and volume (subjects omitted for the half day schedule we have), I've been trucking along at a steady pace. My kids are getting the objective. Even students with the lowest scores on our Math Pre-Test have shown mastery of at least 2 objectives if not up to four. (The goal is 18+) We are utilizing our classroom management system and dishing out rewards and consequences. Things are slowly but surely gaining momentum and the juggling act I am doing each day is quickening its pace. But luckily as I've been assured by all, if I drop an object [or forget a resource, an objective, a math center, or a rule/consequence], I can pick it up again. The relief of that notion is indescribable. The frustrating thing and also point of relief is that things can always get better. My fellow CMs and I can always due more, plan better, implement procedures differently. But in case you viewed this blog for warm fuzzys or horror stories I won't leave you unsatisfied. Here are the highs and lows, briefly, from my first week of teaching. 

-When three of my lowest performing students came up to the board and showed me the (ridiculously confusing) expanded form of a three digit decimal number. They shouted "oh!" and a light bulb went off somewhere. 

-The mean, nasty, degrading things 5th graders are saying to each other under their breath, as we walk in line, or in the cafeteria. Its not right and it hurts my heart. 

-A student choosing me as her role model, because I'm smart, according to our Student Interest Surveys, filled out on Day 1. 

-A note from the most sassy (sometimes vicious) student in the class to my fellow teachers and I that she thinks she can have 6th grade behavior today. 

-Students asking to move to the front or to the refocus desk so they can concentrate on their work or on the problems on the board. 

-The lowest performing student in my class and sometimes the class cut-up acknowledging that he is a leader in the class and must be a role model for the other students. And them actually listening to him. 

-Answers on the interest survey about growing up to be car dealership owners, lawyers, professors, and presidents, rappers and athletes too. 

-Grading papers and realizing they actually understood what you vomited out at the front of the class for an hour that day. 

And after all those stories, the most striking reality might be that they are 5th graders and some don't know their times tables, 100 most basic sight words, or how to read aloud on a 1st grade level. The reality that after quickly dictating a complicated word problem to my sisters on the phone or asking them to recite their classroom management systems and them answering holistically and correctly is flooring when I think of the difficulty my class has with these same areas. (The twins will just be starting 5th grade in the fall.) Its immensely sad, but usually that sadness turns to frustration, anger, and a sense of purpose and determination. And if it didn't then I, we would have no reason to be here. 

First Days of Institute

Day 9 in Atlanta. 

Being back in Atlanta, GA for Teach for America's rigorous institute has been quite the experience. The words exhausting, ridiculous, all-work, no-play, go-go-go, effective, fulfilling, and all-good, no-bad come to mind. Although some of those aren't exactly words, they almost accurately relate to the experience hundreds of new teachers are having at Georgia Tech. From the moment we stepped onto campus the registration process was as intense and effective as they promised and as the legends conveyed. 

In reality, its okay. Its more than okay. I'd say a solid good. Its very difficult. We begin the day around 5 AM and make it to our buses after breakfast around 6:40. We are carted off to our schools, lunch boxes, laptops, binders, posters, coffee mugs in tow and for the first week, learned more than I thought possible about why we were here, why teachers are needed, and the mentality that has led Teach for America to success in the classroom. And its not like any complaining or argument on our part could diminish the gains TFA corps members around the U.S. have made in their classrooms. Who can argue that we shouldn't understand how teacher actions contribute to student achievement or that every single student is capable of learning? Who can justify falling asleep during an hour and a half session on lesson planning and classroom management when its for the benefit of your students and their learning time? Only four hours of sleep? Well put your big girl pants on and go teach your students who might not come to school with the proper supplies or a meal since the previous day at school. 

Even being here at institute and learning so much in such a concentrated amount of time I still feel ill-equipped and green. Despite my time recruiting for TFA last year, this is a whole new ball game. No longer the resident expert of TFA's role in closing the achievement gap, I've had to learn (and I think the majority of the corps members have had to learn) that while our leadership experience provides us with some tools and relevant prior knowledge, the most seasoned leader here is getting a run for their money. And its good. Because why shouldn't we learn as much as we can and work as hard as we can for these students? We signed up for this and just because its difficult does not mean we can quite or stop. We can whine of course, and lose sleep, and fail, but we can also succeed, and support each other, and get to know our kids. (Which I would say is why we are all still here. And why people are still in the five other institutes going on across the U.S.) 

I couldn't wrap up this without touching on the reason why the 2008 corps stays sane through most of the day - the time when we are under supervision from our Corps Member Advisors, Curriculum Specialists, Literacy Specialists, School Directors, Operations Managers, Faculty Advisors, and welcome squad here at GA Tech. Its like summer camp with a very specific end in mind. They want us to be the best we can be and we want our kids (and ourselves) to achieve as much as possible during this 5 week period. These people have been amazing and honestly deserve to have their titles capitalized because of all of their hard work and the experiences they have gone through. They've done it. And its amazing how envious I feel of their experiences and stories and kids and knowledge. Patience is a virtue and I'm working on not putting the cart before the horse. I have to actually become an effective teacher before I can tell stories about it and convince others to come teach for America. 

This is why I will wait until my first day of teaching has actually sunken in, processed, and the pressure from those 2 hours has worn off or at least rubbed in a little more. Mind you it was a great day - full of decimals, behavioral issues, close calls, and fist fights in my 5th grade math classroom. It really was a great day.